I’m sorry that I wasn’t at Esther’s Follies last night at SXSW.  There was a mix up with my schedule and I didn’t realize what was going on, totally my fault, I fucked up, and I’m already planning something special for Austin when I come back.  I just didn’t want you guys to think I didn’t care about you and shit.

P.S.  I promised everyone in the audience blowjobs via phone call.  People have stopped me on the street demanding their blowjobs and I’m a man of my word. I’ve given four blowjobs so far:

First Blowjob: Wasn’t that terrible.  I guess it was just scary cause it was my first one. It’s like a shot: If you don’t look at it going in, it doesn’t hurt as much.

Second Blowjob: Also not terrible, but he had a weird tattoo on it that looked like a snake.  I cried less than the first one.

Third Blowjob: A girl, FINALLY. 

Fourth Blowjob: So awful.  You eat way too much meat, sir.  Have some fruit, something from the earth, Jesus.

Okay.