The Javelin dudes (my fav DJ’s at the moment) sent me this a while ago. I planning on freestylin over it, but I’ve been so busy I haven’t made the time yet. But I didn’t want deprive people of the awesome beat that is “Tryouts” in the meantime.
I just wanted to say thanks for everything this year. It’s been really amazing and fun and scary all at the same time. The fact is I’ve always been scared to do a lot of the things I do, and I actually am scared when I’m doing most of the things you guys pay good money to see me do. But I think the biggest thing I’ve ever been afraid to do is express myself however I want, whether it be a sketch, a movie, a cartoon, even a fucking tweet. You guys have my back and I honestly don’t think I’ve ever had that. Everyone wants to be accepted. I never really felt accepted. And I know it’s easy to say “He’s a writer. Why is he acting?” or “He’s a comedian, why is he rapping?”. Honestly, I’d feel that way. But you guys backed me. That’s really special. You didn’t have to do that. I know people see my jokes and then go to my blog and are like “Why the fuck was I redirected to Zooey Deschanel’s site?”. But I appreciate people who don’t confine me. I think everything is capable of everything.
I hear people talking weird on Culdesac all day: “You don’t sound confident.”, “You don’t seem sure of what you are.”, “What’s your style? This album doesn’t have a style.” Number one, I’m not confident on the songs. That’s the point of the album. I don’t know what going on most of the time in my life. I’m just trying to make my personal experience relatable. And I think with every album, I’m getting better at that.
I don’t have it figured out. The album is like most of the things I’ve done in my life: I don’t understand it, but I have to do it cause it’s in me. I’m not gonna be the rapper who’s smooth or powerful. I know that. I’m the rapper referencing Breaking Bad to a girl I met outside after my asthma started acting up because of all the smoke inside the bar. I really think there are a bunch of kids like that out there. I hope those kids like my stuff. Also, who knows what they are all the time? I’m different stuff every second of every day. I don’t know why people confine themselves. I know it be easier if I just did funny stuff, or just music, or just writing, but I’m more than that. That’s not me. That’s not anyone. Everyone is everything, if they let themselves.
Howard and Leslie was a web short/comic I started about two years ago. I got busy and stopped making them. I stumbled upon them this morning and decided it’s a travesty that this story is not being told. Time for me to get to work and freak out future girlfriends.